Three Notes

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, 

that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."

John 3:16 (ESV)

I froze in my tracks.

Just three notes is all it took.

I remember it vividly.

It was the summer of 2000 and I was headed out of the dining hall at Frontier Ranch, a Young Life camp nestled in the Rocky Mountains in Buena Vista, Colorado. I was hoping to trot quickly to my bed and sneak in a power nap while my cabin girls killed a couple of hours by the pool, but then those three notes happened.

The lyrics pierced my soul even as the music held me paralyzed... 

I can only imagine what it will be like
When I walk by your side
I can only imagine what my eyes will see
When your face is before me...

Cold chills ran up the back of my neck while the hair on my arms stood up...

Surrounded by your glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus
Or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing Hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all...

Tears leaked out the sides of my eyes...

I can only imagine when all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you
I can only imagine...

Still frozen, I must have looked like one of the stone statues in Narnia. Until the sun hit my face, as warmly as Aslan's breath, bringing me back to life as it peeked out from behind a cloud in a most timely fashion, flooding the dining hall with its rays. The song ended. I turned around to find members of the summer staff and work crew gazing intently at me. They must have seen the desperation in my eyes when I pleaded for someone to tell me the name of the song, the artist, and the album, (more likely they wanted me to hurry up and get out so they could finish cleaning the dining hall and grab their own power naps), because several of them moved quickly toward the stereo cabinet to retrieve the info for me. On their indie album titled "The Worship Project," a then little known band called Mercy Me had recorded the song, I Can Only Imagine. It would still be another year before large scale Christian audiences would become attached to the song, and three years before the song would make the leap into the secular music world.

In the wake of a picture perfect Easter weekend here in South Carolina, I pause to think of those lyrics again. And I realize anew:

I cannot imagine leaving heaven to come to earth
I cannot imagine knowing what He knew or the pains of His ministry
I cannot imagine not being recognized as the promised one by those who waited for Him
I cannot imagine the beating, cursing, spitting, mocking, and humiliation He endured
I cannot imagine the weight of mankind's sin - past, present, future
I cannot imagine the devastation, loneliness, and abandonment when God turned His back
I cannot imagine being in hell, then being resurrected
I cannot imagine being doubted and unrecognized by those who knew Him best before death
I cannot imagine leaving loved ones behind for a second time to return to heaven
I cannot imagine the deep, profound longing for every man, woman, and child to be saved 

Such sobering thoughts hold me just as captive as the lyrics did nearly two decades ago. 

On March 16, the movie bearing the same title as the song opened in theaters. The story of family dysfunction at its finest. A tyrannical, monster of a father. An abused, abandoned little boy. Hate. Resentment. Unforgiveness. Then Jesus...

And so the story behind the song is essentially the gospel. Everything I cannot imagine makes no sense and is filled with despair. Until Jesus. Then all that I can only imagine becomes a steadfast hope filled with grace and mercy. 

"Then he [the criminal] said, 'Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.' Jesus answered him, 'Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.'"

Luke 23:42-43 (NIV)

Three hauntingly beautiful, unforgettable notes. 
Three crosses at Golgotha.
Between hopelessness and heaven, there is Jesus...

First Fruits: Meeting God Early

I am not a morning person.  

I am, in fact, a true night owl. If I can get past 9 p.m. I'm good to go until around 4 a.m. Then it only makes sense to sleep until 11 a.m. followed by a nap from 2-5 p.m. Such sleep habits are perfect for the jobless high school/college student, or even the unmarried high school English teacher on summer break I used to be, but they don't work so well, say, for a stay-at-home mom with a husband and a two year old. 

An Invitation from the Holy Spirit

After adjusting to the shock of being a first time mom and having an infant in the house, I began to feel like something wasn't right. Thinking it was simply lack of sleep (not understanding I was never going to sleep again), I dismissed the feeling. But the months rolled by, and the emptiness persisted. During worship one Sunday morning, as the pastor talked about the importance of daily interaction with the scriptures, I realized that I couldn't remember the last time I had opened my Bible outside of church.

I sat on my realization for several weeks more while the God-hole in my spirit continued to grow, until it was so big I confessed to a close friend my sin of neglecting God.

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

John 8:32

Speaking the truth of my sin threw open the door to my soul, allowing the Holy Spirit to extend an invitation:

"Meet me early in the morning, before the sun comes up, while the world and your house is still asleep," whispered the Lord.

I responded, "Wait. . .what??? Meet you when???"

"Give me your firstfruits, Pam! Offer up your day to me before it starts and I will fill you," said God.  

Early in the Morning

Was God really asking me to do this? But I'm a night owl! He's instructing me to go against the grain of my own personality. Deep in my heart I knew I had to, but I didn't want to. At the same time, I was painfully aware that late night Bible study didn't work. Even though I was wide awake, I couldn't focus; the weight of the day rested heavily on me and my mind constantly wandered away from a heavenly gaze, back to my worldly cares. The more I begged him to show me another avenue, the more convicted I became that, for me, there were no other options. 

Early it is! Now let me make sure a hammer is on my night stand so I can smash that clock when the alarm goes off!

Looking for Proof

When my husband and I held our marriage retreat back in December, my top personal goal for 2016 was to be an early riser and spend time with God before my day got started. Still questioning whether or not this was the best way, I hopped on my favorite Bible website and did a key word search for 'early morning.' It would appear that the scriptures are veritably stuffed with examples of those who rose before the sun to conduct important business with and for God. 

Early in the morning:

• Abraham took Isaac to the mountain intending to sacrifice himas God had commanded
• Moses approached Pharaoh to plead for the release of God's people and to warn him of the coming plagues
• Joshua lead the Israelites across the Jordan River and into the Promised Land
• Job offered sacrifices to God on behalf of his children to cover their sins
• Mary Magdalene, Mary mother of James and Joanna went to the tomb with oils to care for Jesus' body

And the most compelling:

"Very early in the morning, while it was still dark,

 Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, 

where he prayed."

Mark 1:35

Twilight Time

It hasn't always been easy or fun, but it has been worth it to meet Jesus in the quiet of the darkness just before dawn. No noise in the street outside, my husband and son still deep in slumber, a hot cup of coffee and my Bible.  It is a precious time when I delve into the scriptures and bask in the glow of the God who invited me into this sweet fellowship. I confess that there are mornings when I doze off, and mornings when I hit snooze a few times before I can drag myself out from under the covers. There have also been a few days when I just couldn't do it; but by the end of those days I'm so thoroughly drained by life that I know I won't sleep through the next day's divine appointment. I'm still a night owl; I always will be. But there's something special about the morning.

"Satisfy us in the morning 

with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy 

and be glad all our days."

Psalm 90:14 

To Ponder

I'm reminded of the words of a favorite hymn, In The Garden:

I come to the garden alone

While the dew is still on the roses

And the voice I hear falling on my ear

The Son of God discloses 

And He walks with me, and He talks with me,

And He tells me I am His own;

And the joy we share as we tarry there,

None other has ever known.

• Do you rise early to meet with God?
• How are the morning hours with Him different from later in the day?
• If you have never given God the firstfruits of your day, I challenge you to do so.

Jesus Lives At The Beach

"The earth is the Lord's and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it;

for he founded it on the seas and established it on the waters."

Psalm 24:1-2

In the weeks leading up to Easter, Collins and I explained to Toby that Jesus was no longer the baby who was born at Christmas, but instead he was a grown man who chose to willingly sacrifice himself for our sins.  We discussed Jesus' death on the cross as well as his resurrection. And we talked a lot about how shortly after his resurrection Jesus ascended into heaven to take his place beside God the Father, and those who receive him as their personal Lord and Savior will see him in heaven someday. 

Ok, Little Man, the lesson has been taught, now time for a quiz:

Mommy: After Baby Jesus was born at Christmas?
Toby: He grow up and be a man.

Mommy: What happened on Good Friday?
Toby: Jesus died.

Mommy: What happened on Easter morning?
Toby: Him came back alive!

Mommy: Where does Jesus live now?
Toby: Jesus live at the beach!

Well. . . not exactly the answer I was going for. . . 

One of the marvels of adoption for us is the way God has truly prepared this child to be ours. There's the whole nature vs. nurture thing - we have observed characteristics that are clearly genetic, while also seeing evidence of our influence on him. But there are also aspects of his personality that are so much like Collins or me that the presence of divine fingerprints is the only explanation. This little one's absolute and undeniable love for the beach and the ocean is so much a part of who he is that it goes beyond nature or nurture; it seems to be one of the ways God speaks to his heart - just like his mommy.

"He alone stretches out the heavens and treads on the waves of the sea."

Job 9:8

For as long as I can remember I have been a beach lover. As a young child on family vacations I wanted to be covered in sand or rolling in the waves for as many hours as the sun (or my parents) permitted. As a teenager I would hop across the hot sand and land on my lounge chair, reading book after book to while away the hours, taking dips in the salty surf as needed to cool off. As an adult I have nestled into the fullness and abundance of my relationship with Jesus while digging my toes into the sand, listening to the sound of the swells pounding the shore and watching the sunlight dancing on the water like liquid diamonds. 

From the moment we first dipped his toes into the ocean on the beach in Gulf Shores, Alabama at seven weeks old, Toby has been in love with the coast too. We celebrated his first birthday at Edisto Beach, SC where he ate Gold Fish cheese crackers covered in sand and laughed when the waves knocked him down. We hit the beach at Ocean Isle, NC as often as we can where he wakes up ready for the two block ride to the shore in his wagon. He wallows in the sand like a pig in mud, then runs for the water like a prodigal returning home. 

There's something about the water. And the sand. And the salt. And the thick, sticky air.

I know it. Toby knows it.

We take deeper breaths here. We relax here. We enjoy family and friends more here. We appreciate more and take less for granted here. We know what it means to be still here. We feel closer to God here.   

And just like my Little Man, it makes me want to lie down where the sea meets the shore and throw my hands up in the air in pure praise and adoration while the peace that transcends understanding washes over me again and again and again. 

So, yes, Toby - Jesus does live at the beach!

"How many are your works, Lord!

In wisdom you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures.

There is the sea, vast and spacious, teeming with creatures beyond number --

living things both large and small."

Psalm 104:24-25

(Post written while vacationing with my parents at Ocean Isle Beach, NC. Thank you, Lord, for this time with my family and for this bond you've orchestrated between my son and me.)

#Misery Needs Jesus' Company

It was a rough three weeks at my house. From ear infections to runny noses, from croupy coughs to bronchitis, from low-grade fevers to aching bodies, we had it all. As a stay-at-home mom to a two-year-old, I don't have time to be sick, but when the toddler and I are under the weather at the same time. . . 

Don't think for one minute that I suffered in silence. Why would I when there's an entire online world out there waiting to "Like," "Favorite," "Share," "Comment" on, and "Retweet" my misery? So, like any self-respecting social media addict, I grabbed my smart phone between nose wipings and thermometer readings and shared my sickness.

Misery Loves Company

It's a sad fact that far too many of us like to make our sufferings known. If we are experiencing pain, facing a trial/obstacle, or enduring injustice, the world would have us believe it’s our obligation to drag as many others as possible along with us. Because if there's one thing we hate (maybe even more than the suffering itself), it's the idea that we are alone.

   

Via Dolorosa

Easter is a glorious time of celebration. Sin has been overcome. Death has been defeated. The victory is won. The God of the universe, who put on human skin and entered time and space in the form of Good News and Great Tidings on Christmas morning, completed His earthly mission; the empty tomb attests to that fact. Hallelujah!

But what about the not-so-pretty parts? What if social media had existed at the time of Jesus' betrayal, suffering, and crucifixion? And what if Jesus, like many of us, took to cyberspace to wallow in self-pity? What might that have looked like?

  

o    Instagram –  a selfie in the purple robe and crown of thorns while blood trickles down His face with the caption, "What did I do to deserve this?"

o    Facebook – Status Update – “My best friends fell asleep on me when I needed them most. Another “friend” ratted me out to the cops for something I didn't even do. I was arrested and gang-beaten. Now I'm on death row. Could my life get any worse???”

o    YouTube – Video upload of the cat o’ nine tails flogging, ending with a 30-second shot of Mary sobbing hysterically that she can't understand how anyone could get away with doing this to her innocent baby publicly.

o    Twitter – @manupstairs, what kinda man sits back, watches this happen 2 his son? ppl wanna know why i am like i am #itsyourfault #letmedie

A Better Way

Jesus' experiences and photos are different from mine, but the sentiments expressed above sound shockingly familiar. Like, maybe I could have written them. Who among us has never felt like we were being abused unjustly, or that our respective lives were at rock bottom and couldn't get any worse, or that we had been falsely accused, tried, and convicted of something we didn't do, or that we were victims of our raising, or that our suffering was so great and so painful that we just wanted to die? I know I have. My guess is you have too. 

The difference between me (and you) and Jesus:  He really didn't deserve it, His life couldn't get any worse, and He was innocent, but he never blamed anyone for anything. If ever there was anyone in the history of human existence with the right to complain and assess blame for their misery, it was Jesus. But He didn't.

What Jesus did say:

·         Matthew 26:42: "'My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away

       unless I drink it, may your will be done.'"

·         Mark 15:3-5: "The chief priests accused him of many things. So again Pilate asked

 him, 'Aren't you going to answer?. . .' But Jesus still made no

 reply...”

·         Luke 23:34: "Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they

   are doing.'"

·         John 19:30: "Jesus said, 'It is finished.' With that, he bowed his head and gave up

   his spirit."

I had a nagging cough, some body aches, bronchitis and a touch of pneumonia (all while being waited on hand and foot by my sweet husband) and I made sure everyone in my house, my contact list, and my social media network knew how bad I felt. Jesus endured the most horrific torture and death imaginable, bore the sin of all mankind, and experienced an incomprehensible loneliness as God turned away from Him, yet the closest we come to even a tiny glimpse of His physical, emotional and spiritual pain is in His final cry from the cross as death came for Him (Matthew 27:46) . 

The world teaches us to whine, complain, pitch a fit, and throw a temper tantrum when pain and trials come our way. It's all about us. If we are miserable, so must everyone else be. Go down swinging and refuse to walk the way of suffering alone. 

Jesus shows us a different way, a better way. He is living proof that there is purpose in pain (John 16:33). May our lives (and our social media) bear witness to this truth!

• What do your social media posts reflect about your relationship with God?
• Do they reflect the world as your primary influence?
• Or do they reflect someone who truly understands what it means to take up his/her cross and follow Jesus?