Three Notes

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, 

that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."

John 3:16 (ESV)

I froze in my tracks.

Just three notes is all it took.

I remember it vividly.

It was the summer of 2000 and I was headed out of the dining hall at Frontier Ranch, a Young Life camp nestled in the Rocky Mountains in Buena Vista, Colorado. I was hoping to trot quickly to my bed and sneak in a power nap while my cabin girls killed a couple of hours by the pool, but then those three notes happened.

The lyrics pierced my soul even as the music held me paralyzed... 

I can only imagine what it will be like
When I walk by your side
I can only imagine what my eyes will see
When your face is before me...

Cold chills ran up the back of my neck while the hair on my arms stood up...

Surrounded by your glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus
Or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing Hallelujah
Will I be able to speak at all...

Tears leaked out the sides of my eyes...

I can only imagine when all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you
I can only imagine...

Still frozen, I must have looked like one of the stone statues in Narnia. Until the sun hit my face, as warmly as Aslan's breath, bringing me back to life as it peeked out from behind a cloud in a most timely fashion, flooding the dining hall with its rays. The song ended. I turned around to find members of the summer staff and work crew gazing intently at me. They must have seen the desperation in my eyes when I pleaded for someone to tell me the name of the song, the artist, and the album, (more likely they wanted me to hurry up and get out so they could finish cleaning the dining hall and grab their own power naps), because several of them moved quickly toward the stereo cabinet to retrieve the info for me. On their indie album titled "The Worship Project," a then little known band called Mercy Me had recorded the song, I Can Only Imagine. It would still be another year before large scale Christian audiences would become attached to the song, and three years before the song would make the leap into the secular music world.

In the wake of a picture perfect Easter weekend here in South Carolina, I pause to think of those lyrics again. And I realize anew:

I cannot imagine leaving heaven to come to earth
I cannot imagine knowing what He knew or the pains of His ministry
I cannot imagine not being recognized as the promised one by those who waited for Him
I cannot imagine the beating, cursing, spitting, mocking, and humiliation He endured
I cannot imagine the weight of mankind's sin - past, present, future
I cannot imagine the devastation, loneliness, and abandonment when God turned His back
I cannot imagine being in hell, then being resurrected
I cannot imagine being doubted and unrecognized by those who knew Him best before death
I cannot imagine leaving loved ones behind for a second time to return to heaven
I cannot imagine the deep, profound longing for every man, woman, and child to be saved 

Such sobering thoughts hold me just as captive as the lyrics did nearly two decades ago. 

On March 16, the movie bearing the same title as the song opened in theaters. The story of family dysfunction at its finest. A tyrannical, monster of a father. An abused, abandoned little boy. Hate. Resentment. Unforgiveness. Then Jesus...

And so the story behind the song is essentially the gospel. Everything I cannot imagine makes no sense and is filled with despair. Until Jesus. Then all that I can only imagine becomes a steadfast hope filled with grace and mercy. 

"Then he [the criminal] said, 'Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.' Jesus answered him, 'Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.'"

Luke 23:42-43 (NIV)

Three hauntingly beautiful, unforgettable notes. 
Three crosses at Golgotha.
Between hopelessness and heaven, there is Jesus...

Jesus Lives At The Beach

"The earth is the Lord's and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it;

for he founded it on the seas and established it on the waters."

Psalm 24:1-2

In the weeks leading up to Easter, Collins and I explained to Toby that Jesus was no longer the baby who was born at Christmas, but instead he was a grown man who chose to willingly sacrifice himself for our sins.  We discussed Jesus' death on the cross as well as his resurrection. And we talked a lot about how shortly after his resurrection Jesus ascended into heaven to take his place beside God the Father, and those who receive him as their personal Lord and Savior will see him in heaven someday. 

Ok, Little Man, the lesson has been taught, now time for a quiz:

Mommy: After Baby Jesus was born at Christmas?
Toby: He grow up and be a man.

Mommy: What happened on Good Friday?
Toby: Jesus died.

Mommy: What happened on Easter morning?
Toby: Him came back alive!

Mommy: Where does Jesus live now?
Toby: Jesus live at the beach!

Well. . . not exactly the answer I was going for. . . 

One of the marvels of adoption for us is the way God has truly prepared this child to be ours. There's the whole nature vs. nurture thing - we have observed characteristics that are clearly genetic, while also seeing evidence of our influence on him. But there are also aspects of his personality that are so much like Collins or me that the presence of divine fingerprints is the only explanation. This little one's absolute and undeniable love for the beach and the ocean is so much a part of who he is that it goes beyond nature or nurture; it seems to be one of the ways God speaks to his heart - just like his mommy.

"He alone stretches out the heavens and treads on the waves of the sea."

Job 9:8

For as long as I can remember I have been a beach lover. As a young child on family vacations I wanted to be covered in sand or rolling in the waves for as many hours as the sun (or my parents) permitted. As a teenager I would hop across the hot sand and land on my lounge chair, reading book after book to while away the hours, taking dips in the salty surf as needed to cool off. As an adult I have nestled into the fullness and abundance of my relationship with Jesus while digging my toes into the sand, listening to the sound of the swells pounding the shore and watching the sunlight dancing on the water like liquid diamonds. 

From the moment we first dipped his toes into the ocean on the beach in Gulf Shores, Alabama at seven weeks old, Toby has been in love with the coast too. We celebrated his first birthday at Edisto Beach, SC where he ate Gold Fish cheese crackers covered in sand and laughed when the waves knocked him down. We hit the beach at Ocean Isle, NC as often as we can where he wakes up ready for the two block ride to the shore in his wagon. He wallows in the sand like a pig in mud, then runs for the water like a prodigal returning home. 

There's something about the water. And the sand. And the salt. And the thick, sticky air.

I know it. Toby knows it.

We take deeper breaths here. We relax here. We enjoy family and friends more here. We appreciate more and take less for granted here. We know what it means to be still here. We feel closer to God here.   

And just like my Little Man, it makes me want to lie down where the sea meets the shore and throw my hands up in the air in pure praise and adoration while the peace that transcends understanding washes over me again and again and again. 

So, yes, Toby - Jesus does live at the beach!

"How many are your works, Lord!

In wisdom you made them all; the earth is full of your creatures.

There is the sea, vast and spacious, teeming with creatures beyond number --

living things both large and small."

Psalm 104:24-25

(Post written while vacationing with my parents at Ocean Isle Beach, NC. Thank you, Lord, for this time with my family and for this bond you've orchestrated between my son and me.)